I may have established a new personal best in the crowded field of social mis-interaction by getting “unfriended” after only three replies on Facebook.
In case you didn’t know, I rejoined Facebook about a year after I deleted my account. I desperately wanted to stay away from social media, but with clients who occasionally need images for their accounts, I felt that staying away, however principled I thought it was, could eventually hurt my ability to earn a living. Plus I enjoy cute puppy videos and making fake posts about my fake life (which is in many ways better than my real life). So I rejoined on a very limited basis, “friending” only certain family members and those good friends I rarely see. I stopped at twenty-five friends, and some days even that seems like too many.
I probably should have avoided the person who unfriended me, as she has a reputation of being… well, sort of a hot head. That, in combination with my inclination to push random buttons (”Oh, look! A button! Wonder what it does?” Push. BOOM!) probably made any “friendship” between us, however contrived, doomed from the start.
I won’t reveal her real name, so for purposes of this post, let’s call her “BoomBoom”.
In this case, I had the temerity to make a counter point to a news story to which BoomBoom linked. There’s no need to go into detail other than to say it was a minor story about a Presidential Arts Council that resigned all at once. I say minor story because it’s debatable whether the council was even going to be continued under the current administration, and certainly if it did continue, it would have likely been with new members, as these were all holdovers from the previous administration.
To me, the “news” part of the story was quite contrived: These people could have easily left prior to Trump’s inauguration, but instead they hung around, clearly hoping to turn their resignations into a cudgel to use against an administration they hate. To my eye they appear to have been a bunch of has-beens, including that guy Kumar from “Sulu and Kumar Go To WhiteCastle”. The resignation was a typically progressive temper tantrum. Their resignation letter was a hysterical screed against whatever everyone was hysterically screeding about that day (if it’s Nazis it must be Wednesday), and it started with two obvious false premises everyone on the Left accepts despite an obvious lack of proof: 1) Their conviction that everyone cares what they think, and 2) Donald Trump is a racist.
Apparently BoomBoom was expecting only one type of response, which I suppose was something along the lines of, “You Go Girl!”.
I replied, “False premise + Hysteria = yawn.”
When asked for an explanation, I posted something like, “False premise: that Donald Trump is racist. Hysteria: the lunatic ravings of the media the last 8 months. Yawn: It’s a nothing Reuben,” (because “nothing-burger” has been beaten to death, and there’s nothing like a good sandwich).
She then replied condescendingly, “Seems like ignoring white supremacists and Nazis is a good example of White Privilege.”
To which I replied, “Wow! Talk about false premises and hysteria.”
Damn! That was quick. But that’s what happens in a forum dedicated to sharing thoughts when you commit the heinous crime of sharing thoughts.
I posted a status along the lines of “Wow! Unfriended after three posts. A new record!”
What happened next was even more strange and unexpected.
Mr. BoomBoom, her husband, grabbed the reigns in the out of control Facebook stagecoach of rage which I had unleashed with my opinion, because I guess Mrs. BoomBoom was too infuriated and disgusted to interact with a human who disagreed with her, having unfriended me so quickly. He replied to my post belligerently defended the honor of Mrs. BoomBoom, calling me a motherfucker, questioning my intelligence, and kicking me in the nuts with his words (to mix metaphors in a very disturbing fashion). No harm came to me as a result of his rants. They’re just words, after all, and I always wear a cup when on Facebook, just to be safe.
He ranted for several posts. I tried to engage him at first, but stopped when it became clear that nothing good would come of it.
It was Friday afternoon, so I assumed they were drunk as usual. He too later unfriended me.
I mourn the loss of their friendship every day but since both these alcoholic rage clowns are technically related to me (on Mrs. Sigmadog’s side), future family gatherings are going to be, at the least, very awkward, or very interesting.
© 2017 SIGMADOG LLC
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